Career>Love

You might recall from my Miami post that it took E and me three weeks to meet in person after matching on Hinge. We were waiting for time to free up on his end. In one of our early conversations E let me know his schedule was “looking to get worse.” He was gearing up to interview for a position and planned on accepting the offer he was confident he’d receive. He already worked a full-time gig at night and intended to keep both jobs.

“I gotta pick up my hustle,” I said, comparing my vacant schedule to his. Then I complimented him on his self-assurance. “I love that conviction,” I texted him.

The multi-step interview process went well and he knew he had the job in the bag. I congratulated him when he told me the news. As we continued our preliminary texting (still not having met face to face) I learned more about his new opportunity. E would be able to work remotely for a year before offices opened up in...New York City. I was shocked. “What about us?” I asked, followed by, “Lol jk.” 

He didn’t laugh. “Us?” he echoed. “I wanna be bicoastal. So you can hold it down here for me while I’m trying to become the next king of NY 🙏🏽.” Cheesy? Maybe a bit. But I liked that he was including me in future plans. I took it with plenty grains of salt, of course.

I told him I’m from New Jersey and said I might end up back on the east coast myself. “Well that’s good for us then, right?” he replied. 

Eventually we met in the flesh. On our second date we got breakfast at 9am. He was expecting an 11am call officially offering him a job as the logistics manager of a startup cosmetics company. Over eggs and orange juice he spoke proudly about what his new placement would entail. I planned to leave the date after breakfast but E invited me back to his place while he took the phone call.

When it ended I congratulated him and we made out on his couch. It was nice to do in the middle of a weekday. It’s not often that I date guys who don’t work some type of 9-5. I liked that he worked nights—I could relate from working as an exotic dancer for years. But his schedule would change soon with his new role at the startup. 

After that second date my romantic feelings for E were activated. I took notice of the way he carried himself, the way he walked...and I liked it. While we were in the lobby waiting for my Uber he held and kissed me in front of others walking through the building, and I liked that too. When I got home I thought about him for the rest of the day. That weekend we went on our impromptu trip to the east coast.  

When we first left South Beach E was just as attentive as he’d been on the trip. We caught separate flights back and he texted me, “Te extraño,” during his layover. Then he FaceTimed me that evening on his way to his night shift. 

Our texts were spotted with variations of I miss you until we saw each other again at my apartment Saturday morning. I woke up at 5am, when he got off work, to let him in. 

I thought he’d be utterly exhausted but he managed to shower, give me head, and then have sex with me before falling asleep. The next morning we talked, ordered food, and had more sex. He stayed until the afternoon. I didn’t want him to leave because I knew his new job started Monday and I wasn’t sure when I’d see him again.

We texted briefly in the beginning of the week. Then Friday night I received a cryptic message from E. It said:

“...Didn’t want you to think I forgot about you, but I’m sure my lack of availability isn’t gonna work. Wouldn’t work for anyone. Miss you, hope all is well 😘,” along with a screenshot of his packed schedule. 

I couldn’t tell if it was a breakup text, a disclaimer, or an opportunity for open dialogue. I slept on what would be a proper, practical response and came up with, “I’m happy to find time to spend that works for you, even if it’s not often. But if you’re saying it’s not going to work, just let me know.”

E responded positively, saying he loved that solution and thanked me for being flexible. “Just wanted to be fair to your feelings,” he added. I felt like I hadn’t lost him. But our future is unclear.

When E first told me about his intention to double up on jobs I felt inspired by his work ethic. But that was before I had feelings for him. After my feelings developed I thought he might be a sociopath. What other type of person would whisk a girl away on a trip, creating a connection, only to later have virtually no time for her?

Some people choose to fill their lives with service or work. They’re extremely hungry and ambitious. They’re hard-wired to produce and earn. They’re business-driven and emotions are secondary. That’s E.

Then there are people like me—people who put relationships over almost everything in their lives. We value interpersonal connection over capital. I love making money and creating a life of comfort, but I’ve never worked a 40-hour work week (shout out to the strip club 🤑), let alone an 80-hour one.

In the midst of this situation I find myself questioning how someone could choose money and exhaustion over a proper work-life balance. But deep down I know the answer. It reminds me of a Lady Gaga quote where she advises, “…Your career will never wake up and tell you that it doesn’t love you anymore.”

I actually do understand the decision to invest more time and effort into one’s career instead of romance. It’s a logical, sound, pragmatic move.

Romantic relationships are ephemeral and, even though I crave long-term love, it’s the reason I don’t want to get married.

It hurts to have less of E’s time and attention. I miss the high I got from his affection, but I know I can conjure up similarly gratifying feelings by focusing on myself and reaching my personal goals.

I’d rather graciously give him the time and space he needs to self-realize and practice the same self-growth in my life. If our relationship ends up blossoming, it’ll be stronger because of it. And if not, I’m still so happy we got to experience each other for a short time.

Sweatshirt in image by Off-White