On Turning 30
For months I contemplated ignoring the fact that I was turning thirty this year. I was ready to write a cheeky essay making a case for why I should get to relive age 29 because of the inconvenience of covid-19. When the virus was declared a pandemic and my existence as I knew it was put on hold, I felt robbed of the final year of my dubs. But now I realize that even though 29 looked different than planned, my experiences this year still held value in shaping me and moving me forward. There’s no way I could disregard or discount everything the past twelve months have taught me, and all the fun I had.
I started this year quietly, opting out of extravagant celebrations. I decided not to travel home to New Jersey for my 29th birthday (December 24th) and Christmas and instead had intimate dinners with close friends in Los Angeles. Then, on New Year’s Eve, I skipped out on countdown parties and going to work to stay in and clean my apartment. At the time I had no idea how it would affect me later in the year, but in hindsight, I feel like being reclusive and steadying myself in those first weeks really helped to center and prepare me for what the following months would bring. I kind of set the tone for spending most of my time alone throughout the pandemic.
When I first lost my job due to the public health crisis my survival instinct kicked in and I was ready to do whatever I had to do to earn money. I created an Only Fans account, and even though I ultimately decided against keeping it, it awakened the hustler in me. I switched my focus to writing, pitched editors, and got published multiple times, proving to myself that I could grow financially outside of my seven-year career in nightlife.
Something else I did this past year was take initiative to steer my dating life in the direction I want. By putting myself “out there” and being more intentional I was able to meet new people and refine exactly what it is I’m looking for in a significant other. Through some discomfort and awkwardness I became more myself, hopefully making me a better potential partner to whomever I take that step with in the future.
Despite the unexpected setbacks of year 29 I continued living my life. I nurtured and strengthened my friendships and family bonds. I took impromptu trips. I enjoyed the outdoors. I indulged in decadent meals with my best friends. I laughed, hard. I continued to prioritize my physical and mental health. I grew.
When I look back on this year, and my twenties as a whole, I’ll remember immaturity, adventure, fear, exhilaration, love, and so much more. I became an adult, graduated college, traveled, moved across the country, and began establishing myself as a professional writer. Each year was meaningful and memorable in its own way, especially 29. I’d do it all again if I could but because I can’t, I’ll welcome and honor thirty.